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Started by Adri, December 22, 2005, 03:21:12 AM

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I have been like a fish out of water ever since I can remember, trying to do anything and everything to shock people, espesially my parents, in to noticing me.  I lied and I became cruel in every way possible. 

I might only be 24 years old, but alot has happend in my life and I learned the only person you can realy trust in this world is your self. Sad isn't it.  I went through a few terrible things since I was about 9 years old.  My parents got divorced and I realy thought that the fault was mine.   :'(  It wasn't till much later however I came to realize that this was not the case at all.  This was not the end of it however and my mother got remarried to a man I thought was my friend, he wasn't.  I'm not going to go in to the details, but it was bad. 

In the year I turned 16, my father, living in Pretoria, SA, came to get me and my life changed for the good.  I started going to church and liking it.  ;D Never thought I would ever like going to church.  I started singing again and I started going to youth meetings and I loved every moment of it.  I gave my life to God and I couldn't be happier....

This didn't last long though, my past kept getting in the way and I keep thinking that God allowed all these bad things to happen in my life.  I am not worthy of His love! I drifted away and I go to church now only if something is on, or on Religious holidays, like Christmas.  Things are starting to change now, I'm starting to feel empty, broken and alone.  After visiting my dad this weekend, I realized that things will have to change, I need something, or someone to help me.  I don't believe in God's love and grace anymore....for me, but I know He is there, I believe in God!!!!!!!!!!! I just don't believe that He cares for me anymore.  I decided to join this site this morning, partly because my dad wanted me to and partly because I like photography.  The more I look at the site though, I realize I need God and I need help getting there.  Hope you understand that this is more a prayer and a cry for help than anything else.
When life beats you down...ask God to beat it right back.

Jane Walker

December 22, 2005, 04:50:02 AM #1 Last Edit: January 26, 2006, 08:12:23 PM by Jane Walker
Adri you have made a great step forward in the right direction.  I know God will (and does) honor your honesty and heart's cry to know Him in all His fullness.

Be assured that you have come to the right place for Christian fellowship and encouragement. 

Welcome to CP!   :)
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass .... it's about learning to dance in the rain!


December 22, 2005, 05:48:36 PM #2 Last Edit: December 22, 2005, 05:51:43 PM by Marilyn
Adri God loves you no matter what you have done in your life. If God's love was conditional I wouldn't be saved, I have a terrible past life but all that has changed because of God's love and Mercy.  His love is the UNCONDITIONAL. Please little sister don't ever forget that. Some things that we go through in life  the bad people and the bad things  are mean't for our growth. I used to think like you that God didn't care about me because he allowed all those things to happen, but then I realized that I had no control over the way other people treated me or the things they did to me. Some people are evil.
"Good people take care of their animals, but even the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel" Prov. 12:10
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December 23, 2005, 02:58:00 AM #3 Last Edit: January 21, 2006, 11:12:07 AM by Pat
Quote from: Marilyn on December 22, 2005, 05:48:36 PM
Adri God loves you no matter what you have done in your life. If God's love was conditional I wouldn't be saved, I have a terrible past life but all that has changed because of God's love and Mercy.  His love is the UNCONDITIONAL. Please little sister don't ever forget that. Some things that we go through in life  the bad people and the bad things  are mean't for our growth. I used to think like you that God didn't care about me because he allowed all those things to happen, but then I realized that I had no control over the way other people treated me or the things they did to me. Some people are evil.

Thank you for your kind words.  You have no idea how much that means to me.  I'm starting to learn to accept that God loves me...not for what I do, but for who He made me to be.  :)
When life beats you down...ask God to beat it right back.

Chris & Margit Saunders

Dear Adri, we all come to God through Jesus in different ways, but we must come to and through Jesus Christ, His sacrifice on the cross was for sinful human beings like you and like me, "Good people" said Jesus, " don't need a Physician", but sinners do, and " I am come into the world to save!"
Cry out to Jesus and tell Him how much you want to turn away from the old life and follow Him and He will give you a new life, a supernatural Godly, Spirit-filled life.
Praying for just this for you,
regards, Chris.


Hi Adri,

Your post made me register here just so I could say some things to you.

Some basic stuff that gets us going in the wrong directions sometimes get in there and hurts us for years. The thought that love is "performance rated" causes a lot of hurt. That means thinking "if I am good then I deserve or can be loved", and the opposite "if I am bad I don't deserve love". That can hurt for years.

Even worse is the thought that "since things are going or went bad, then I must be bad - and if I am bad then I don't deserve to be loved". That one can hurt for years too. Ouch!

The thing is to find out how God really feels about US and then decide if we believe Him or not. I have heard about unconditional love, and from God that certainly is true. I have heard that if I was the ONLY ONE on the planet that Jesus loves me enough to have come just for me! And that is certainly true too, not only true but really an exciting thought.

The point is it isn't God that is the problem, it is us. God can do anything but if I don't believe it's for me nothing will change. I can believe in healing for someone else, but not for me. I can believe is a 2nd chance for someone else, but not for me. This is where the problem is. And God wonderfully has something to say about that.

The "I don't deserve to be loved" thinking patterns come from out heart and it is against ourselves. Our heart passes an internal judgment against ourselves and we live by it. But God said that is not so.

Here are 2 scriptures that go right to the root of this hurtful self judgment:

"For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things."
1 John 3:20

This says that God knows we hold things against ourselves which leads us to feel we aren't good enough for Him, but He answers that by saying - go ahead, no matter how hard you condemn yourself, I'm bigger than that and stronger that that condemnation. He says He knows ALL things, so there isn't anything we can keep secret from us, yet He still stands there and loves us.

"Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God." 1 John 3:21 

That verse has a little spin to it. It really is saying that in light of everything you may know about yourself, if you can really still stand there and say I am free, it is really another way of saying you trust God above all things, circumstances, events, and even above your own sins and can boldly say "God Loves Me" in spite of the crud in our lives. Man, that is really having confidence. But we CAN get there because God loves us & YOU.

So whether you are in life at the first verse, where you are condemning yourself, or the second verse, where you have overcome that condemnation, God is the answer to whatever is the trouble in your life. And He answers you with love that will never end.

Best thing for you to do is to forget your past and live in your today. God blesses is NOW. In the Lord's prayer it says "Give us our daily bread", that daily bread comes when? It comes today. If you are living in your yesterday you will not be at the right spot to receive your love TODAY and your daily bread TODAY. Get a hold of your internal clock and fix it so you live in your TODAY and not in your yesterday. God loves you - pretty much a lot :) He wants to met with you daily, but if you are hanging out in your yesterdays you will miss your appointment. He is bigger than your own condemnation of yourself and if you confessed Jesus as your Lord & Savior and confessed your sins, they are gone. He loves you enough to be everything you need.

Hope that helps,



Adri, I've been praying for you my sister.  I'm wondering how you are doing now.

Thanks Peter for coming to the site today and helping our dear loved one, Adri.

You know Adri, read the words of this hymn.  They sure help me when I'm down.

O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus
(Click to hear music)

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature,
shall be able to separate us from the love of God,
which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:39

Author:  S. Trevor Francis, 1834-1925
Musician:  Thomas John Williams, 1869-1944

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean
in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me,
is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward
to Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
spread His praise from shore to shore!
How he loveth, ever loveth,
changeth never, nevermore!
How he watches o'er His loved ones,
died to call them all His own;
How for them intercedeth,
watcheth o'er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
love of every love the best!
'Tis an ocean full of blessing,
'tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
'tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory,
for it lifts me up to Thee!


"Click for Waterloo Wellington, Ontario Forecast"


I thought that I should tell you all how things are going these days and let you know how my life has started to change...

As this year (2006) started I made myself and God a promise that I will go to church at least once every Sunday as I hardly ever went to church in the past and I made myself the promise that will not happen again this year. I have only missed one Sunday since I made this decision and it was not because I didn't want to go, but I didn't keep track of the time and by the time I looked at my watch is was already to late.  I felt horrible as that is not a good excuse, but I couldn't change that it happened. 

I've also desided that I will not try to change things that I can't and I'm trying really hard not to, but I find that it's quite difficult as it seems to be part of who I am.

I find myself liking to go to church now and even though the church that we go to has only a few people I have to say it's great.  God is good all the time and I can see Him changing the tears to smiles everyday...

Thank you all for your prayers and thank you all for the posts here, I appreciate it as I now know that I'm not alone and I don't have to carry my burden alone, God helps, if you only trust Him to do so.

When life beats you down...ask God to beat it right back.


Adri, you indeed, are not alone. Sometimes things can look really wierd to us when we don't have the right perspective. You know...like one of those really cool pictures made from dots... you can't really tell what it's all about 'till you back up and get a bigger perspective. It seems to me throughout my life that things tend to get much better when my perspective gets better. One day, I'll be able to see things as God sees them, and then all things will be revealed. Meanwhile, I'll just be happy in the knowing that each day, as I draw closer to our Savior, my perspective changes a little. It's the whole "Renewing of your mind" thing that Paul was talkin' about. Know that People love, and are praying for you, and above all that God loves you, and calls you "The apple of his eye." Peace, Ritz.


December 17, 2007, 05:35:48 PM #9 Last Edit: December 17, 2007, 05:39:01 PM by Summicron
I'm glad I came here tonight and saw this, what you have written, and and other members comments to you have been an encouragement and a strengthening to me when I myself feel so far away from His love, so God is using your testimony to strengthen a brother whose relationship with God has been a see saw experience ever since the day I came to know Him. That's God's love to me through you, and then through what other members are encouraging you with.
   Hey sister, my dad used to blame me for my mothers death, I took it to heart, and it made me feel unworthy of anybody's love. God keep you in His loving arms, Michael.


March 03, 2017, 11:50:59 AM #10 Last Edit: March 03, 2017, 12:04:58 PM by Jacqueline
Adri, this is now such an old post and I very much doubt you will come back to make a progress posting, although I do very much hope you still peer in now and again....
I just need to add that incidents throughout your short life have made you the way you have become, none of this is your fault... it was not your doing,...as deep down you are a gentle, kind, caring and lovable person just crying out for the love of our God, and the chance to turn your life around..Believe you me, whether we get a straight response or not, I am as sure as I can be, our God does hear our every word, as he is our protector, who will also give us the ammunition of survival.....

Adri, you would be 36 by now, and possibly with children and a loving husband....I do hope and pray your bad past life has now done a complete turnaround...as I can certainly associate with your story...If you just remember...both bad things and good things in life, do take a role reversal...just dwell more on the good things...and do please, love yourself...
" there is no such thing as an ending, only a place where you leave the story "
~ Muriel Donnelly