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When I was eleven years old my father's employment relocated him to an air base in California, near San Rafael.  The family quickly found a church in San Rafael and, soon after that, a new pastor arrived with his wife and two small sons.  The year was 1946.

As a young girl I really admired this pastor and his wife and thought of her as the closest example of Jesus I could ever know.

Many special speakers and missionaries came to our little church and I was very impressed with their stories of the mission field.  So, at the age of 12, I believed God wanted me to be a missionary.  I think there must be many in that age group who want to be missionaries when they grow up. Of course, at that time, the only mission fields I knew of were Africa and China.  My brother decided on China so I focused on Africa.

But I was only 12; dreams of the mission field would have to wait until I grew up so I pushed the idea aside for a while, and before long it was nearly forgotten.

At the age of 16 I married one of the airmen who attended our church.  Well, now there was not much chance I'd ever be a missionary because I was married and my husband felt no call to the mission field.  I believed I had taken a wrong turn and would have to live out the rest of my life as second choice.  Is there such a thing as being God's stepchild?  I often heard of His perfect will and His permissive will.  I believed I had been demoted into the second category and was barely within His family.

Eighteen months later I was separated from my husband and pregnant, as well as deep in depression.  Time went on and, within a few years, I found myself with a child and divorced.  Now, for sure, God would never use me because "everyone knows" divorce is a sin and I had truly messed up my life.  There seemed no redemption.  I was doomed to live the rest of my life as a single mother and I was still very young.

Since I believed I had already fallen out of God's grace I continued to make mistakes and poor choices until I finally remarried and sealed my fate.  You see, once again, "everyone knows" the scripture references that say one shouldn't divorce – except for certain reasons – and if one does divorce they must remain single as long as the spouse is alive.  And, for sure, you don't marry an unbeliever. I had violated all the rules. 

In the next few years I had two more children and settled down to raise a family.  Eventually we moved to Sacramento, which is home to several colleges.  I decided to enroll in a community college and began classes the same day my youngest daughter started Kindergarten.

When asked what I chose as a major I had no idea and was told one could major in any of the core subjects.  My SAT scores in English were high so I chose English as a major.  Soon thereafter I discovered the love of writing.  I also learned there were other subjects in which I could major and thought to change to Journalism.

I reasoned that it would be much more comfortable for me to sit in a corner and write where I would not have to interact with people.  I certainly did not want to become a teacher, which is what most people I knew were deciding for me. In fact, I said I didn't even like kids and could never stand up in front of a classroom! Faulty reasoning to be sure but you must remember I felt flawed anyway.  My intent was to change my major the beginning of the next week.

In the meantime I heard of a missionary speaker at a nearby church whom I remembered from my younger days in San Rafael.  I decided I would go hear him that Sunday evening.

As I sat in the service I was entranced with this man's statement that God never calls one to be a failure.  If you are called to something then He will see to it that you are fully equipped for the task. 

But God I don't want to be a teacher.  Then: Alright God you have five years to make a teacher of me.  You will have to equip me and train me to be what you have chosen, starting completely from scratch.

During the ensuing years, as I graduated from Community college and transferred to the State College, my education outside the books was thorough and quite difficult at times.  I learn by experience and I certainly experienced situations from which I learned empathy, cultural differences, and the art of listening to the heart rather than words.  I could interact with people.  I had a heart for the downtrodden, isolated and abandoned.  I also had a life teaching credential with the State of California.

By this time, as well, I had begun attending the large church where I had gone to hear the missionary.  Since a Bible College is part of this church and I was once again divorced and working an evening job I felt I could use the time to enroll in Bible College.  After all, I was on a roll by now and college attendance was under my skin.  But of course I had no intention to do more than attend classes.  I married a third time in 1981.

In 1989 my mother, who had been living in Oklahoma, passed away.  As oldest daughter it befell my lot to take possession of her house and tend to other business matters.  I went to clean the house and sort her personal effects, etc. And, with her address book in hand, wrote to all on her correspondence list, informing them of her death and enclosing a copy of the newspaper obituary.

One name among my mother's correspondents was that of the pastors from the early days in San Rafael. My parents had been strong leaders in the church and very supportive of the young pastor and his family.  I did not know my mother had remained in contact with them.

I received a letter from the wife of that pastor and she was very happy to learn about my siblings and me.  She began writing regularly to me and I even managed the trip to visit with her late in 1989.  She and her husband have retired and moved north but he has not missed a day with his radio ministry that he began in San Rafael in 1946.  They told me that he is on the air every morning, locally, and the rebroadcast is carried by The Voice of America over six stations in Africa and two in Alaska.  Listeners in Africa often write to them requesting Bibles and any other written material they can send, so these pastors have been sending Bibles to Africa for years.

The year following my mother's death found me again fighting depression so I decided to enroll in a class at the Bible College to keep my mind focused.  My intent was to just audit a class taught by one of my favorite professors so enrolled in The Pentateuch although I had already taken this class, taught by a different professor, and graduated.

During this time I continued to correspond with Christina, my former pastor's wife.

Toward the end of the semester I wrote that I was busy working on my research paper for class and apologized for not keeping up my end of the correspondence.  She replied that she would be interested in seeing my paper when I finished, so I sent her a copy, and she raved about how good it was.  I put that aside as "She's just saying that because she's known me since I was a kid and she's a very sweet person." 

Well, after my Bible College professor had graded the term papers, she brought them back to class to return them to us.  As she started to hand mine back she commented about how good it was and said, "You should have this published." 

Yeah, right!  I thought.  But she was serious and offered to take me to see about having it printed, and a cover designed, etc.  The topic?  Well, it's about the types of Christ found in the Pentateuch.  In a moment I will show you an interesting parallel between my life and Moses, but first allow me to continue setting the stage.

I sent several copies of my booklet to Christina and wondered what on earth I would do with the remainder of the 500 I'd had printed up, then left for another stint of working on my mother's house in Oklahoma.  It was now January/February of 1991, and I was on leave from my employment due to emotional and mental stress.

While trying to change a light fixture, one day in February, I had a bad fall and broke the heel bone (from the top!) in my left foot and severely damaged the ankle and surrounding tissues.  An event that, most definitely, slowed me down and got my attention!  I was very aware of the phrase in Psalm 23 "He maketh me lie down ..."

The very next day after my disastrous downfall I received a phone call from none other than Christina!  She asked if I could send her more copies of the booklet because, it seemed, her husband had been in town giving them away!  She mentioned that, if I could send a large amount, they would like to include one with each Bible they mailed to Africa.  The postage is determined by weight and they needed to include other printed material with the Bible to bring the weight to a certain amount.

She also said, since my brother was working at a printing company in Arizona, that perhaps he could print up some more for me!  That happened, and within the next few months, several hundred copies of "A Brass Serpent in the Wilderness" were shipped to Oregon and found their way to Africa.
Okay, have you been following this story carefully? 

The Pentateuch is the first five books of the Old Testament and referred to as "the books of Moses."  If you recall the story, you will know Moses really messed up his life – he killed a man!  He fled to the wilderness where he stayed forty years learning skills he would need for the task God had planned for him since childhood.  I believed I had messed up my life, too.  In 1991 I was 56 years old.  That is exactly forty years from age 16, when I "knew" God had turned His back on me! 

How foolish we can be to think such things.  God indeed used that forty years to train and educate me and teach me all the skills needed to fulfill His plan for me, but He had never turned away from me.  As a child I was not prepared, and God doesn't call someone to be a failure but will with the calling equip and train for success in the task.  On top of all that, the very ones who were my pastors when I made that decision to become a missionary to Africa are now sending my writings – about Moses – to Africa!  The circle is complete.

I am teaching, through my writings, in Africa after all.  God told Moses His name is I AM ... He is always in the present tense. His plan was never side tracked or changed.  The same forty years it took to prepare Moses to lead his people out of Egypt were required preparation for what God always knew I would do. 

Hi Jane....really beautiful interesting testimony...I will not comment further than just to say...God bless you Jane. You have touched my heart. Take care my friend.

Jane - it's kinda plain that God is sovereign, isn't it?  He had an intention for you.  You went hither and yon, and your life seemed helter-skelter, but, guess what - He still had the same intention for you.  Oh thank Him that He never casts us away.  Oh thank Him that He can use - even us!  And some times He's using us even when we don't know it!  Hallelujah ("let us praise Jehovah).

Wow Jane this is a very interesting testimony, It really grabbed me and held my attention.

Thankyou somuch for sharing this testimony with us. I needed to hear this today, you will never know how much.

Marilyn

Jane, thank you so much for sharing this story of your life.  I'm so glad that even when we take wrong turns and "rabbit trails" God holds onto His plan for our lives!  I am 66 years old and still am not sure what His plan for me is; but I'm keepin' on keepin' on, as they say.  Maybe His plan for me was to raise children to love Him, and to teach painting?  I think sometimes, we feel we should be doing something BIG, and all the while we are doing what He intended for us.  I know my life has been touched in BIG ways by something as small as a word spoken at the right time, or a person showing love, caring or concern just at my moment of need.  Anyone else have thoughts about this?

Thanks, so much, for your comments Colin, Al, Marilyn and Janet ... 

I am so very content (if that's the correct word) to be IN Jesus every moment of the day.  And He is in me ... that is the most exciting!   

Janet, I firmly believe (and preach it at every opportunity) that wherever we are, whatever we are doing, if we will just relax into His presence, THAT is exactly where we are "supposed" to be and doing.  God doesn't need our help y'know...  He needs us to be yielded to His moving in and through us.  We are to be merely "Jesus with skin on" as a friend once put it.

Like the glove a doctor wears, God's hand will do all the "work", our role is to just be there for Him to work through.

Getting out of His way is the hardest part.     So many times we get the idea we should be doing something for Him ... No.  Let Him do the doing we just get to be there for Him to use.

Yes, "just a word" spoken at the right time can minister God's love in ways we never could imagine. 

I know that He often nudges me to go places when I really had no thought of going ... once there I always realize it was for an appointment He needed to minister to someone or maybe even to me.   

Jane, this was a joy to read.  I'm glad you posted this here.

God's design and plan just will not be thwarted by anything, will it?  All along, God knew exactly where you were and that He'd bring that full circle you mention.  I know you've really learned, through so much, that just resting in Him, just being His and nothing more, is where and who He wants us to be.

It's so easy to lose that focus.  It's the most powerful place to be.  I think that's why the devil tries to convince us we need to be "doing something for God", instead of just letting God do it through us.  Just as that doctor's glove you spoke of.  We are just the glove.  Don't you love it??    Nita

Thanks, Bestest ... You know I do love it!   

 <3Good morning to all.  Jane I enjoyed your story it shure shows us the power of God and how he works in our life when we think that he is not there.

I have read a few of the other posts but it is too late to stay up and read more. Hope you all continue to have a great week.

God bless to all.  My niece is a little bit better and she is able to take her feedings every other one out of the incubater but then she is put back into it right away. Please keep praying for Nicole and Mum and Dad.  Thank you.  Gord.