Thoughts for the Month~August

Carol · September 29, 2017, 09:49:19 AM

We did visit with two of the grands plus one friend in Fort Collins. It was just super as everyone took time to chat - go out for coffee or eat a meal out. the two students are such a joy to visit. Now we have seen all three grands within a weeks time.

Don's fishing buddy, a retired pastor, is doing well and has been inspired to write another book.

The drive through our now mega city was atrocious and it will never get better. Now, we are told that the tallest building in the country will be here. Traffic and building is out of control now -- how awful this will be for people living here. 'nuf said"..

It is our anniversary today and we are going out for breakfast - even though I did fix a crock pot of steel cut oatmeal overnight. One grandson cooks in his apartment and I gave him the portions of water to oats so he can have that ready in the morning too.

Larry: Hugs are important and so welcome.

Jacqueline · September 29, 2017, 01:17:20 PM

Carol and Don...on your Special Day...

Jacqueline · September 29, 2017, 01:23:55 PM

Within the next 30 minutes we will be leaving for my weekly Church social evening...Tonight we have a a performance from a female from the stage...She has been before and it sounds like all are greatly looking forward to her return...as for me, I dont know who she is but, I think we will be joining her in the singing...not sure I have my singing voice with me tonight as I am still suffering with a cold...I sure dont want to stay at home waiting to recover and missing tonight...
Looked her up I believe she is a " Soprano " Anna - Maria Geare..... this should be interesting...

Jane Walker · September 29, 2017, 09:08:35 PM

Well, I've come; I've read; and I've prayed through tears .... now I will make myself known to you all.

Your lives are all complicated and full of problems but we all know that our God is totally aware of it all and He is in control of what happens -- or not -- and when.

Janet, as you know, I have had two daughters move on to Heaven ... One went quickly and I was not allowed to be with her but her sister, Joy, battled cancer for nearly two years, went through some horrific surgery and chemotherapy, and finally decided to give it all up and go home .... Once she stopped the chemotherapy and accepted hospice care, she was at peace. She told me she was "Just waiting..." and she was in complete peace when she drew her last breath ... it was while her husband, a good friend, and a man from her church were standing around her bed and reading the 23rd Psalm, praying after each stanza. When they got to the end "And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever" she sighed and peacefully slipped away. Up to that point, I've been told, she was struggling to gasp for breath. Her last entry in her journal was the 23rd Psalm. She was ready.

I know how you must be feeling ... I've been there, too. I would love to be with you now to put my arms around you and wipe your tears ... I was alone when I got the news so I had to cry by myself. I don't know if it would have made much difference if someone had been with me or not, but I do understand the hurting heart and pray for you and all the others who love Beth and who will be heart broken to see her leave.

Jacqueline · September 30, 2017, 03:15:17 AM

Jane...
...that was a heartfelt story, and thank you for sharing...the final story of your dear daughter, waiting for a certain bible passage, to let her know, to let herself go...her wish was granted..

Jacqueline · September 30, 2017, 06:05:13 AM

Another episode of my windpipe closing up this morning...Richard in the kitchen hearing me gasping, spluttering and choking, assuming it was my cold...until I walked from the lounge sofa to the kitchen, then he realised I was in trouble...anyway, all's well, that ends well...Somehow I had kindof done an inwards swallow - in-hail, so not that something had gotten stuck in my throat, just the closing up of my airways...again, a rather frightening experience..

Larry Hanna · September 30, 2017, 07:50:57 AM

Hi Everyone. We are to get a break in our high temperatures today as expect only the low 80's with a slight possibility of some rain. I do have a busy morning planned for today but the rest of the day should be quiet.

Carol, at least you have a reprieve from that awful traffic in your area when you winter in Arizona or is the traffic as bad down there with all the folks coming there to winter. I don't think I told you and Don Happy Anniversary so will do so a day late.

Jackie, I hope you enjoyed your Church social evening with the special guest singer. Glad your windpipe episode ended well but know that must be terrible frightening.

Jane, good to see your posting. You certainly know what Janet is experiencing and as you say God will see us through such times.

Carol · September 30, 2017, 09:12:45 AM

Saturday morning here and it is a real Fall time of the year. Time to break out the sweaters.

Jackie: Thank you for your beautiful gift card. I am sorry to read that you had a closing of your throat and hopefully that never happens again.

Jane: You have lived every parents nightmare that of losing children. So generous of you to write of your experience and that unselfish deed will ease the pain of many parents. Loving hugs to you.

Carol · September 30, 2017, 09:20:45 AM

Larry: Thank you for your anniversary greetings as well. It doesn't seem that long ago but it surely is that long ago. I chose to be married in a small village in Minnesota (mom's town) so my parents and cousin would make the drive from Seattle. The reason was - Don's parent's were deceased when he was a senior in university - but he had a ton of relatives in northern Minnesota including sister and two little girls. By being married in the same state, a lot of his relatives could participate including his grandmother. I already had grandparent there and many cousins and others. The little church only held 100 and it was packed. I laughed when I saw the two ladies who sold popcorn at the park were sitting on a bench too - they just decided to come and see me get married. I had to time everything because after the ceremony several of the farmers had to go and milk cows then come back for the supper. so, that is my story.

Jacqueline · September 30, 2017, 09:27:16 AM

Larry Hanna...
...one day I know I shant be so lucky, re, my windpipe...

Carol...
...thank you, you are welcome, I so hope you both had a fantastic days celebration...well my card doesn't have " two ladies sitting on a bench..nor are the couple holding any bags of popcorn.."

I am now off to play scrabble with Richard, this will be our first game since I bought this very expensive board game two or three weeks ago, and I told him I am ready to give him a thrashing...

Carol · September 30, 2017, 06:02:07 PM

I had to give up on sewing this afternoon - mom never sewed on Sundays so I hear her voice. My reason is--- something is wrong with the stitching and I cannot fix it by myself. And, I only have about 20 inches more to sew.

Jackie: I hope you did give Richard a thrashing in Scrabble!

Pat · September 30, 2017, 09:01:56 PM

Please pray for Beth, John, Darrel and Janet...

"Singing to my sweet Beth today, for hours.
It's the thing that seems to bring her comfort
during her times of unbearable pain.
Prayers appreciated".

Click to listen...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPZFgW50Wfs

Janet · September 30, 2017, 09:59:36 PM

Thank you, Pat, my precious friend. That's such a beautiful song!

And thank you to everyone else for your prayers. I'm very tired, and sang until I almost have no voice left, but around 6:30, Beth finally stopped groaning and seemed she would be able to sleep. I stayed until she was sleeping, then slipped out and came home. They doubled her Fentanyl patch yesterday,
but still she needed morphine every hour. I don't understand what's causing the terrible pain.

I'd better try to get some sleep, tomorrow may be another long day.

Jane, my friend, you surely do know the heartache I'm going through, as does Larry. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words.

I love all of you, so much!

Larry Hanna · October 01, 2017, 07:55:18 AM

Hi Everyone. We are going to have a much cooler day today, which is sure welcome. I expect this to be our normal Sunday with Sunday School and Church and then out to lunch. Hopefully another couple from our Sunday School class will be able to join us for lunch. The rest of the day will be one of rest.

Carol, I don't think you told us what anniversary was being celebrated in terms of years. While we didn't have many relatives at our wedding we did have a full church. It sounds like you had a wonderful and joyful wedding. I wedding was held at 7:30 in the evening, after milking time. It has rained all day but the sun had come out as the wedding started.

Jackie, my experience has been that often things don't turn out as I have anticipated, both good and bad. That is why I spend no time worrying about the future and will deal with it when it comes. Did you win in the scrabble game?

Pat, thanks for sharing that very touching picture of a mother's love with Janet singing to Beth to help her stay calm in the midst of pain. That was a beautiful video of some.

Janet, I am praying for you and that Beth's pain can be controlled. I am sure Jane and others can share the feeling of the uncertain as to when that last breath will occur and the pain and suffering will be over for our dear loved one. Those are long hours and yet so short.

Carol · October 01, 2017, 12:26:47 PM

Pat: Thank you for the lovely song you posted for Janet and Beth - all the family.

We have snow in our mountains - such a glorious sight as that brings water to so many.

Larry: 55 years of marriage. Gosh, I was only 10.

Smiling at your plans to be around milking time. There are not many small dairy farms anymore..

Peace be with all.

Jacqueline · October 01, 2017, 01:47:19 PM

Larry Hanna...
...quoting: " Did you win in the scrabble game?...
No, I let him win...

Marilyn · October 01, 2017, 05:02:18 PM

As I continue in my prayers for Beth and you, along with your family, Janet, I have tears in my eyes as I cry to the Lord. He understands our tears and keeps them safely in a bottle. I don't know what else to say. I have a very good friend who is in the nursing home facing her last days who is "waiting to be with the L>ord each day." I visit with her a couple of times a week and see the changes she is going through, some good days and some bad,

Jane Walker · October 01, 2017, 05:09:41 PM

My post was in response to this one of Janet's ... While we will always miss our loved one, there is a time when that one is so tired of the struggle and pain and just wants to go. It is good when we know they have made the decision and are at peace with it. Janet's post is what prompted me to share Joy's experience.

QuoteYesterday, I asked her, "Beth, do you understand what is happening?" Yes. Do you want to stay here?
No. Are you tired of fighting, and ready to go to Jesus' arms now? Yes. Her eyes are clear and bright, she is still our Beth. But her poor body is just worn out, she has no reserves of strength physically, left to use in the fight. I know if John would give her "permission" to go, it would make it so much easier for her. But he is totally in denial, like if he refuses to see it, it won't happen. I do hope the hospice counselor can help him, for I'm afraid for him if he doesn't come to terms with reality.

I do pray for John, especially, as he so wants to believe he is not losing Beth. It's okay to hold onto a positive attitude ... sometimes it's almost "expected" ... But there's also the time one must face the facts.

I remember that's how it was when my mother was terminally ill and definitely with my daughter Jean. I was told "we don't want anything negative said around here." I broke that "command" when I told my 12 yr old granddaughter (Jean's daughter) it was okay to cry .... I was banned from visiting after that (and there are still some family members who don't speak to me). All her friends, and even some pastors, were voicing their "faith" that she would be healed and be a great testimony to the church and the rest of the community.

Carol · October 01, 2017, 07:05:13 PM

Jane: I cannot imagine telling a child that it is not alright to feel sorrow and tears. I went through training as a volunteer hospital chaplain and believe me - there was an entire list of every emotion in all the cases.

I just came in to check on Janet - still praying.

Jacqueline · October 02, 2017, 05:41:37 AM

prayers being said for the 100 injured and the 20 dead in Las Vegas...

Larry Hanna · October 02, 2017, 08:28:13 AM

Hi Everyone. We have a cool morning with a clear sky and low humidity. Yesterday was truly a delightful one weather-wise with a nice breeze and low humidity. I ended up going to Sunday School and Church alone yesterday as when Pat went to get ready her back was hurting a lot and she said she was feeling a bit nauseous. I picked up lunch and brought it home. Our main activity for today is an appointment with the back surgeon so Pat can get an evaluation of whether surgery would help her back problems or not.

Carol, Pat and I have also been married for 55 years. When we look at those wedding pictures we were really young. I was 21 and Pat turned 21 two days after our wedding. Little did we know what life had in store over these 55 years.

Jackie, that was thoughtful of you to let Richard win at Scrabble. On the news this morning they are saying that 50+ people were killed and 200+ injured by this terrible massacre in Las Vegas last night.

Jane, if we think a 12 year old isn't aware of what is happening around them it seems to me that it is denial. We all need to be free to feel our feelings. You helped prepare your granddaughter for what you knew was coming.

Marilyn, thanks for posting. It is difficult to see your friends and loved one go downhill.

Carol · October 02, 2017, 09:04:29 AM

Daily, there is something tragic in our news. The command is to "love one another". Peace be with our hearts today.

Jacqueline · October 02, 2017, 10:55:50 AM

Larry Hanna...
...yes, that is what they are now saying on our afternoon news...since I posted the numbers have gone up...I am always wondering what next when I turn on our morning tv...
....................................................

I belive our generation grew up with the words of our elders telling us..." children should be seen and not heard..." yet children are not immune to the various emotions that come with the loss of a loved one, yet maybe not so many as our elders such as...shock, the difficulty in accepting...anger and bitterness, guilt, relief, not forgetting the loneliness, these are all natural parts of our bereavement process...sadly a lot of young children feel as if they were part to blame, that they were somehow part of the cause and had done something wrong..I remember I was 10 or 11, when my grandma of 81 who we lived with passed away upstairs in her bedroom, my parents were dealing with it, I had no Idea what was going on, nor even that she had been ill....she was just gran, a person I saw every day..

Jane Walker · October 02, 2017, 02:48:29 PM

Quote from: Carol on October 01, 2017, 07:05:13 PM
Jane: I cannot imagine telling a child that it is not alright to feel sorrow and tears. I went through training as a volunteer hospital chaplain and believe me - there was an entire list of every emotion in all the cases.

I was sitting on the couch with my two granddaughters, 12 and 14, when their father got the phone call confirming Jean's cancer had metastasized to her liver (stage 4). He turned from the phone and announced that "Now we know what to pray for..." and proceeded to tell the girls "You will spend 1 hour every day reading your Bible and praying for your mother. And there will be NO TEARS" I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I noticed a tear running down Laura's cheek and that's when I said "It's okay to cry ... " and added "but not in front of your mother" I shouldn't even have added that, because why not let your mom know you are sad? Anyway, from that moment on, I was never allowed to be alone with the girls (their dad had to be present) and only saw my daughter when he would drag her to church .... I had disobeyed his rule! To this day, neither he nor the girls have any contact with me. In fact, I've been blocked on facebook and their cousins (Dot's girls) have had a few conflicts with them as they've voiced their hatred of me. Oh, well, I know it's because of their dad's influence and I don't blame them. They only know what he tells them.

I have been listening to the news from Las Vegas in shock and with a broken heart for all those victims who had been so happily attending a concert. As always, the news is continually being updated. The number of victims keeps changing as the investigation progresses. Greatest mass shooting tragedy in our history.
.

Carol · October 02, 2017, 05:43:39 PM

Jane: Praying for you to be reunited someday.

Janet · October 02, 2017, 08:13:44 PM

What a long time it seems since my last posting! Following the terrible day of pain on Saturday, Beth spoke the first coherent sentence in over two years when she said, "I want to go to church tomorrow!" I was so surprised, but quickly told her I didn't think that would be possible, as she would be up in her wheelchair for so long, they are carefully watching places on her 'sitter' because they look ready to break open (pressure sores). I was just afraid it would be too much for her. But when I told Darrel, he said if she wants to go, we should probably take her! I thought about it and thought it might well be her last request. So I left before Darrel yesterday morning, and when I go to the home, she was up and dressed! Then I knew she really wanted to go to church! John walked in and I told him to go get the van, we were taking Beth to church! Then I asked the nurse to give her extra morphine, and we went to church! She made it just fine, and I only heard her groan once.

As soon as we got her back, she wanted into bed, an when John stepped back into the room he asked why she wasn't in her recliner. I told him she'd been up long enough, so he said, "then I'm going to take a nap!" And he was gone for three hours!

During that time, the pastor of the church in Hugoton that Beth's sister Diane and family attend,
came to pray for Beth. She told her that she felt God was saying, Beth today is your miracle day!
One way or another, you will get your healing TODAY! We prayed, and then when John came back,
Beth turned her eyes to him and said clearly, "John, I want to go home." He looked at me, startled,
and I said, John, she means to heaven. So he told her if that's what she really wants, it's okay.
Just save me a seat at the table, he said.

Well, within 15 minutes of that, Beth's respirations began slowing, her color turned to an ashy gray,
and she would stop breathing for several seconds before resuming. It seemed to me she really was going home. Diane came to be there to support me, and the hours ticked slowly by. John went home around 8, and we were relieved to be able to turn off the tv!! Grrr. He had it on mute, but was watching cartoons. Seriously! We had been playing Christian music softly, and singing to her. Well,
her color came back, her respirations increased from 12 to 14 to 16 per minute, but she was still wide-eyed. I kept urging Diane to go home, but she wanted me to take a nap before she left. That wasn't possible, as there wasn't a comfortable place in the room, other than the bed. The recliner is miserable, for me, anyway. They make Beth comfortable with lots of extra pillows, etc.

Diane finally left at midnight, texted me, "I'm home" when she got there, and I kept trying to get a bit of sleep. Finally, Beth seemed drowsy and not in pain (she really hadn't had much pain all day!) so I called Darrel to come get me, at 3 A.M.

She's had a pretty good day today, ate all three meals, and has mostly slept. So I'm home early enough to get a good night's rest. I guess she just changed her mind and decided to stay a bit longer! It surely leaves me wondering from day to day what to expect!

One of the nurses said she thinks Beth is realizing how very much she is loved, and wants to enjoy it a little longer, because every nurse on the day shift came in and told her they love her and gave her a kiss before leaving for the day. All of her siblings called to tell her they love her and say goodbye to her. What a day!

Thank you all so much for your words of love, care and encouragement. They mean so much to me and help me make it through another day.

And I do read each of your posts! Jane, I'm so sorry for the way you were treated in the midst of such great sorrow and pain. Why are we so cruel to each other sometimes? I pray I, nor any of you,
ever have anything like that on our consciences!

Jacqueline · October 03, 2017, 02:25:00 AM

Janet...
...reading between the lines I would say your Beth knows exactly what she is doing, ( thank you, her MS brain is still very much functioning ) she is preparing herself...and she has it all under control...just my opinion...Sending a special (((Hug))) to you, especially that you spent time with her until 3.am, now that is devotion as a loving mother...just please be careful you dont push yourself into becoming ill in the process...

Jane...
...it is heartbreaking to hear someone telling - demanding to a child, or anyone else come to think of it, " There Will Be No Tears..." I know it seems natural to a man not to cry or I guess that was once the norm back in the day, maybe they felt if they cried they weren't a man but, deep down we are all human, whether we are male or female, and that goes for our children too...

Larry Hanna · October 03, 2017, 07:33:46 AM

Hi Everyone. We are in for another beautiful day with the high around 80 degrees this afternoon. Yesterday Pat saw the surgeon and he told her surgery would not solve her back problems. I think she was relieved as now doesn't have to make that decision. Unfortunately, she will have to live with the back pain treating it with medication. After her appointment we went to Walmart to pick her prescriptions for her. Then we stopped at the Dairy Queen and had a good and filling lunch/dinner. It was 3 pm before we got home.

The only think on my calendar for today is a routine appointment with my cardiologist. I have two doctor appointment on Thursday and had them mixed up in my mind thinking the two were today and the one I have today on Thursday.

Jackie, the count of dead and injured in Las Vegas is almost too much to comprehend. The last count I heard were 58 dead and over 500 injured. I have to wonder how the medical facilities could handle so many wounded all at once. If men are not suppose to cry I certainly didn't get the message.

In reading your situation with the granddaughters and their father the thought comes to mind as to who made him God. I guess he forgot the Commandment to love one another. I guess this is beyond my comprehension.

Janet, thanks for your update on the situation with Beth. May God walk with you all in the next days and give you strength to face whatever lays ahead. It sounds like the morphine is keeping Beth comfortable. Glad she was able to go to Church. God's plan for Beth has not yet been completed as she has more love to give.

Carol · October 03, 2017, 01:15:26 PM

Signing in to see Janet's report. /strength and courage for all. Janet, everyone has different ways of coping with trauma and I see John as trying hard to focus on other things (even cartoons) for a break from reality. Just take care of yourself, Beth and Darrel first - that is enough of a load. Praying for a peaceful journey.

Carol · October 03, 2017, 01:21:11 PM

Amazing Grace - Beth was able to attend church and she so wanted to go - you could write another book!

Don is off to meet a former employee from years ago - these girls like to catch up with him once in a while. So nice of them to remember him.

Larry: A prayer for Pat regarding her constant back pain. May the medication work wonders and may the pain ease. Perhaps there will be a better answer in future?

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Thoughts for the Month~August

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Larry Hanna

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