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Another long day, but pretty peaceful.  Beth was very drowsy and listless today.  She only had the morphine 4 times, so not too bad, but hospice nurse said she recommends upping the dosage of the Fentanyl patch again as that would be better than giving morphine so often. At least Beth isn't refusing the liquid morphine when she's hurting.

I truly don't know what to expect--up and down.  Dare I get my hopes up?  I know, as long as there is life, there is hope, but none of the medical personnel is giving me any idea of what to expect.  (Because they don't know!)  I understand that, but....living with such doubts is hard.  I was there today from 8 till 6:30, with one short break to meet Darrel for lunch.  I do need to see him sometimes, too!

I've been thinking about Jane's son-in-law and his unreasonable (cruel, even) demands to his girls about reading their Bibles an hour a day, and NO tears.  He probably thought he was doing the right thing, but one cannot demand for God to do anything!  He is Sovereign!  He's the Creator!  He does all things well, even when we do not understand what He is doing or why.  And to keep the girls away from Jane is just awful--adding heartbreak to heartbreak.  She needed them and they certainly needed her!  Sigh.....just so sad.  Jane, my heart aches for all the losses you have had.  But how much sweeter heaven must seem to you because your two precious daughters are there, happy and whole,
waiting to greet your arrival when that day comes.  Blessings to you, my friend.

I did something bad today.  I had asked John several times to turn down the TV, because hearing the Las Vegas tragedy over and over was not what Beth needed, but he just wouldn't.  Every time he left the room, I turned it off and put on soft Christian music for her, when he came back he turned it right back on.  So finally, when he went out of the room again, I turned it off and hid the remote!  So he went home and got his computer, which is fine, as that's quiet.  But he couldn't get online, so when I went to the bathroom, I came back to find him pushing buttons on the TV.  He got it to turn on, LOUD again.  I said, 'John,please turn it down!'  But he said he didn't know how, without the remote!  So I waited until he left again and turned the volume down to a reasonable level, and he didn't say a word about it.  Am I mean?  I don't want to fuss with him, but Beth needs her sleep.

Okay, off my soap box again.

Carol, thanks for staying tuned in, it means a lot to me.  I just hope I'm learning whatever it is our Father is trying to teach me through this experience.

Thanks for all your love and prayers.  I appreciate all of you so much.

Off to lay my weary body down now.

Hi Janet....

No, you are not mean telling John to "TURN IT DOWN!"  Hope he's got the message.

Please know, Janet, that you are being thought about many, many times during the day and during the night time hours.

Janet, you are doing the right thing with the TV.  If John wants to act like a 5 year old, he needs to be treated like a 5 year old. 

Like Pat, I am thinking about you and Beth and all the family so often during the day and during the night.  For some reason lately I am wide awake at 3:00 a.m. every night.  That's such a lovely quiet time for special prayers. 

I can understand John wanting to watch this tragic news on the tv but not why he had to have it on so loud...very inconsiderate under the circumstances...By the way John is acting, I too think he is trying to block out " reality..." and trying to do this by the only way he knows it works for him....

Janet...
...the hardest part is the " not knowing..." playing the waiting game...

Janet:  You have such a heavy load now and John is behaving quite immature. There again, it may be his way of coping in that he doesn't want to "hear" any more sad news.  He doesn't face reality very well.  It is nice to read that Beth can have an oral morphine instead of a shot. 

I called my neighbor who has the very ill husband and he was being moved to another room with one step higher care and comfort.  The next move will be home and hospice will take over.  We won't be here to help and I have so wanted to be here - but Don needs to get to Arizona (lower altitude) where he will feel better. 

PAT:  Very nice to see any little note from you. 

It is winter in the high country and that hit suddenly this year at about the normal time.  When we moved back to this area, we had a blizzard on moving day - the 11th day of Oct.  What a time - and I was coming down with the flu as well - everything was set in the wrong place and on wrong floors.  We came through that eventually. 

Hi Everyone.  It is another nice and beautiful day here in South Carolina and it isn't suppose to get out of the low 80's this afternoon. I had a long morning at the doctor's office as my appointment was for 10:30 but it was noon before the doctor made it into the room.  She apparently had an emergency that required here presence in the cath lab.  I don't mind the wait as I realize that someday it might be me who needed her immediate attention.  With my iPhone I something to keep me occupied.  When she got to me she spent probably half and hour with me. After my last appointment with her she had ordered an overnight oximeter test and it showned my oxygen level at night had gone down to 69.  So she is contacting my lung doctor and wants me to start using oxygen with my CPAP machine.  She also wants me to suspend using the Renexa medication to see if it could be part of the problem why I am so weary and have shortness of breath when I do anything. 

Today will be a day of stay home and take it easy to try to recover from the last three days that were pretty busy, at least for me.  We do have dinner at the church this evening and then Scott and Jennifer will likely come out for a couple of hours.  Pat will go to the Church this morning for her crafts group.  Their bazaar is coming up later this morning so they are meeting every week until that is over. 

Carol, it is nice that Don's former employees have wanted to maintain contact with him.  He must have been a fine boss.  I know Pat appreciates your prayers.  She has lived with back pain most of her life.

Janet, nice to read that Beth had a peaceful day yesterday.  Just take each day an hour or a minute at a time as we can tolerate those increments of time whereas when we focus on all day or tomorrow or next week it can become overwhelming.  Only God know what the next moment or day will bring.  It would appear from what you say that John really isn't a very mature person in his thinking.  Good for you in taking the action you felt necessary to be in the best interests of Beth.  I do hope you were able to get a good rest last night.

Jeanne, you expressed my thoughts better than I did above in terms of acting like a 5 year old. 

Jackie, you are very right that waiting and long hours of sitting with someone in the hospital is sometimes harder than doing a lot of physical labor. 

We must not forget that however old John is acting, he is soon to lose HIS wife...maybe then, and only then, will
he grow up...no one should tell him how to act anymore than anyone telling someone not to cry...

Hi Everyone.  Just checking in this morning as have a very busy morning ahead.  When I came to my desktop this morning I had difficulty getting the computer to function correctly.  Think all is in order.  I have two doctor appointments this morning.  I have read all the postings but will make no individual comments, but will try to do better tomorrow when I won't be rushed.

Larry:  you mentioned weary and that is the problem for Don living at this altitude - we are over 6,000 ft here just southwest of Denver and a bit higher than the city.  I can feel the difference just returning from any trip when going up stairs from the basement.  I really feel the difference at son's cabin which is over 8,000 ft.  sorry that you had such a long wait at the doctor's office but happy that she took a half hour with you.  The normal checkup is calculated to be under 20 minutes - I have a wonderful doctor (losing her) who always allows all the time we need. 

Time to keep on keeping on.....   - coffee or tea is ready. 

Larry:  two appointments for today - you will need a nap.

Good morning John B:  I see you peeking in - how about a little note telling us how you are faring? 

Looks like we skipped a month so, although we're late, let's begin a new place HERE

Hi Everyone.  We have another overcast and muggy day.  Yesterday was very humid but last evening, after dark, we did finally get some more rain.  It is to be in the upper 80's today. 

I did see the eye doctor yesterday and will have my cataracts removed in the coming weeks.  I have another appointment on Oct. 20th at 8 am so they can take more measurements and then schedule the first cataract removal.  Three weeks later I will go back for the second eye.  I am pretty sure this is the normal procedure.  The appointment yesterday took about two hours and I have never had such a thorough exam of my eyes.  It seemed to take forever for the dilation of my eyes to pass.  It was lunchtime when we finished at the doctor's office so we decided to have one of the $5 lunches at Dairy Queen for our main meal.  The main thing on the schedule for today is the dinner at the Church this evening, when we are having fried chicken as our main item with a vegetable, salad, bread and dessert.  Scott plans on joining us and then will come out to the house for awhile. Jennifer has decided to pass on the dinner and coming out this week. 

Janet, what else can attack poor Beth.  So glad you knew of the apple cider treatment and will pass that on to my SIL who has had several bouts of shingles.  Glad to see you got a good night's sleep last night.  You know that Beth and all of your family will remain in my prayers as long as needed. 

Jackie, it sounds like you had a short social.  That doesn't sound like it was very much bingo.  Were you playing blackout on the card as that would take more time than just a one line bingo to win.  Sorry you didn't bring home any of the prizes but better luck next time.

Carol, those javelinas sound just terrible and dangerous.  Are they a protected animal down there and if not I wonder why there hasn't been an effort made to eliminate that large pack.  Glad you got away from the Denver area before the snow storm and hope your property escaped any damage. Nice you have a son there who can keep an eye on your property and take care of problems while you are gone.