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Christian bookshops are not normal places to enter into, and rather like Dr Who's tardis you are thrust into a paranormal world of warped time and dimension. A phone box from the outside, a villa on the inside. A normal bookshop being a quiet ordered place, a spacious place where books are categorised into a logical and well-defined order. The Christian bookshop on the other hand categorises all its books under one subject heading, Religion, Thus the spirit of confusion (that is not from God, because God is not the author of confusion) is nowhere more evident than in a Christian bookshop.

    From the moment you walk through the door you're in a totally gob-smacked state of bewilderment at the sheer volume of paperback books crammed into such tiny premises, a sight that equates to seeing the Grand Canyon, or the Himalayas for the first time, or more like the Himalayas piled up on the rim of the Grand canyon for the first time. "Where the ailing heck do I start with this lot," is usually the question in most people's minds, though usually unuttered, or at least not over audibly.

    The confusion of a Christian bookshop is further amplified by the background music of the latest praise tape, now being played, (says the tiny card next to the stereo on the counter). Christian choruses are meant to be belted out with such gusto that even the most out of key voices sound like trained singers in a heavenly choir, and the melody so sweet that heaven itself radiates its glorious presence to weary sinners on the pavement outside.

    However the music is turned up just barely enough for one to make out the tune but not the words. This has the effect of holding you within a small radius of the counter trying to make out the lyrics of the song, thus your physical presence never reaches the far corners of the shop, so you come out with either a fish sticker for the car, or nothing at all, and thinking "I will return some other day when I'm either drunk or have a university degree in Christian literature."

    So you do return, and what happens? The Christian music section is full to bursting with Christian bands and music that you could have sworn weren't there last week. Christian bands seem to recycle themselves at an alarming rate of knots. And the prices, what you think is pence turns out to be pounds on closer inspection, "Two books and praise tape, please" and your entire life savings have changed hands in a matter of seconds, "Thank you, do come again," says a disgruntled assistant, "You could have bought twenty more, you tight fisted sponger," he doesn't say, but that frosty born again smile implies it. You can't believe you've just been mugged by a Christian.

    This time you either come out with nothing at all or worse still a bookmark for that really good Christian book the Holy Spirit pointed out to you in the charity shop, usually Belt (Help) the Aged, or Beige (Age) Concern, the bookmark costing five pounds more than the charity shop find.

    If you come out of the Christian book shop with nothing, you can feel the proprietors burning eyes staring swords of the Spirit, in your back, and making you feel that because you haven't purchased anything, you most certainly cannot be a Christian, therefore a sinner, which makes you much much worse than a shoplifter. You couldn't feel any worse going into newsagents for a top shelf magazine, and coming embarassed out with roll of sellotape, you've just got to have some purchased excuse for being in there no matter how lame.

    That's not the worst of it, when you go in you have the clearest notion of what your looking for, but the moment you open the door, and that cheery bell announces your arrival to everyone else in the shop, the first sight of all those books, is mind numbing putting any thought of what your were after completely out of your head, and you realise that if you were to find the book you came in for, you'd likely be there the following morning.

    Try the children's section, Bible stories colouring books, and six crayons for a tenner. That's it, far simpler than the adult section. Bible colouring books, ever seen a picture of Adam and Eve, as they should be in the Garden of Eden, without the foliage?  You don't find that in a Bible story colouring book (some Jewish childrens colouring do).

    Children crayon at Sunday school, and anything at all organised for children usually involves crayoning and pictures to colour in, the health center, the bank, the dentist, you name it there's crayons. Do children love colouring? Probably not, in reality they perhaps would like to put all those coloured pencils to good use and really create a masterpiece, but unless you have that natural ability to draw; coloured pens are simply a tantalising frustration.

    Every time I go into a Christian book shop, (its not that I dislike them) I just feel I should be entering into some sort of Christian sanctuary or retreat, and being tremendously upbuilt in my Christian faith. But unfortunately the opposite is true, I get totaly bewildered by the amount of reading matter there is, and the experience it's no different than going into any other supermarket, because like all supermarkets, they seem to have everything but that special something I'm looking for.
                                             An oined to death production.


I wrote this after visiting a particularly well stocked Christian bookshop in Preston, I came out mentally exhausted, and disorentated by the sheer volume of Christian literature. The world just couldn't contain the books that could be written about Christ. John 21:25. And yet I have found quite by chance really inspirational Christian books tucked away on charity shop bookshelves, for the price of a few coppers.